Saturday, July 19, 2008

My last 25 minutes...

I went on my morning jaunt to get a diet coke.

As I was leaving the house I was questioning myself because I hadn't grabbed my camera. I had decided I would go without it because getting it would involve going back upstairs to grab it. This was a mistake, if only I wasn't such a lazy ass.

I get Peepers loaded in the car seat and myself situated. She started asking me for a drink and I explained to her it was an old pop (my pops are the 44oz. styrofoam cups). Because I was too lazy to just throw it away in the first place, I decided to empty my ashtray into the cup and planned on throwing it away at he gas station.

Okay, now we are off so the first thing I do is reach for a cigarette (I know I shouldn't smoke in the car with her, even with the windows down for anyone that is saying how bad I am at this point). I reach for my lighter and after about the 20th time of trying to get flame I throw it. Now I am searching the console because I am unable to drive without this glowing stick in my hand. Finally I have to use the freaking car lighter, the one that always holds onto a piece of my cig so it can fall in my lap and burn me. Son of a bitch, worth that second of pain tho.

We finally get to the gas station, I turn around and unbuckle Peepers so she can climb forward and get out with me. This is our usual routine. Well the part of the routine I forgot about came next. As I was grabbing change for the pop, she was getting herself a DRINK. Yes, that's right my daughter took a big gulp of watered-down pop with ashes and cigarette butts. When the slurping sound registered in my brain, it was too late. I looked over and she was holding her mouth open, dropping black shit all over the leather seat. I tried washing her mouth out with a kleenex that half was used but there was still half looking ok. Hell, she just drank ashes who cares. We finally make our way in to get her a drink of H2o and me a pop.

With pop setting beside me we leave and I again have to use that freaking car lighter. I am trying to push the f@*cking thing in and its not going. All I am trying to do is drive and get this damn thing lit. It was stuck on the car phone plug in.

We had turned on this road that is a highly traveled road so when I look over and there was this lady out walking her dog, I had to say WTF? Walking a dog - very normal. Walking a dog in you black lingerie that is silky and looks like a very short mini dress - not so normal. WTF?

At this point I just wanted to get home and I was pissed that I left my camera at home. Next time my lazy ass will go back upstairs and get it.


sista #2 said...

Never leave home without it!!!!!

I am going to try that ashtray cocktail on mynext dinner guests.


Keeper Of All Things said...

Hmmmmm.....I guess when you say no you can't have a drink Peepers will listen...Yea your right .....probably not!!
Oh and the nieghbors are lucky if I have pants on!!!!

Keeper Of All Things said...

Hey WTF is going on at Moms blog?!!!

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

um, sippy cups and disposable lighters headed your way.
so I don't ever have to throw up from reading your kid drank nasty crap in a cup. LMAO

Big Hair Envy said...

I left my camera at the office when I ran to the bank today. Silly me! I was sitting at a light, and this HUGE biker dude pulled up. He had NO SHIRT ON, and was covered in tattoos. I guess he thought the tattoos would cover his FAT! After I threw up in my mouth a little, I cursed myself for not having photographic evidence of this close encounter!! hahaha!